Guidelines to the Rockman Universe
by Necklace of Raindrops
Summary: There are many rules involved in leading a long and healthy life in the Rockman universe. Here are just a few of them.
1. The Basic Guidelines

I'm so sorry that I'm taking so long to update 'For Keeps' I'm just having a massive mental debate with myself to decide where I want to go with it... So this is just a little grovelling piece that hopefully should make someone smile if nothing else.

All praise for 4) goes to Random Irony and for 5) to MarshmellowDragon, thanks for the inspiration! xD A massive thank you as well to Lightningstar-Icey, Youkomon and Rika Hikari15. Thank you so much for your patience and encouragement.

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How to (Hopefully) Enjoy a Long and Healthly Lifespan in the Rockman Universe 

If you value your life:

1) Never ask Madoi, Laika, Enzan or Meiru where they get their hair dye from.

2) If your name is not Netto Hikari do not call Enzan "skunk head" or any other name referring to his hairstyle no matter how creative it is.

3) The same goes for Dekao.

4) Never insult Laika's hat. If the fangirls don't get you, the mysterious sniper in the night will.

5) Never make lurid sword puns around Blues.

6) Never insult Forte's helmet. It doesn't matter whether you are in the real world or how far away you were when you said it, he will hunt you down.

7) Never try to remove Blues' visor.

8) When Laserman and Dr. Regal are on a rampage do not point and scream "IT'S GODZILLA!"

9) Do not try to defeat Shademan with a cross, garlic or holy water. Netto can tell you that they don't work.

10) Never try to play fetch with Gospel.

11) Never tell Meiru you are going out with Netto.

12) Never tell Yaito you are going out with Enzan.

13) Or Anetta.

14) Or his fangirls.

15) Just don't even attempt to go out with Enzan.

16) Or Blues.

17) Never tell Masa that fish are disgusting.

18) Never try to work out whether it is Mariko-sensei or Yuriko in disguise by tickling her. You'll either end up in detention for the rest of your life or in a full body cast.

19) Do not call Bubbleman shorty.

20) Or cute.

21) Never ask Yaito to act as a spotlight.

22) Wear sunglasses if Yaito does agree to act as a spotlight.

23) Never tell Enzan and Blues that Netto and Rockman are stronger than they are.

24) Or better looking.

25) Never try to steal Netto's bandanna.

26) Never tell Netto that Maha Ichiban is going to be forced to close down.

27) Never jump out in front of Rockman disguised as a ghost even if it is Halloween. Rush can tell you that the Rockbuster really packs a punch when Rockman is in a panic.

28) Never ask Miyuki why is she dragging around a big crystal paperweight.

29) Never let Coloredman play basketball.

30) Don't try to explain to Masa that fish do not contain large amounts of calcium and that calcium can not solve every health problem. You'd have better luck explaining it to a dustbin.


	2. Sci Lab Rules

The Sci Lab Rules

1) Sci Lab computers are not to be used for looking up porn.

2) They are also not to be used for internet gaming and/or gambling, chatting on forums, checking your hotmail, Myspace messages etc.

3) During a world crisis.

4) Otherwise feel free to do so.

5) Why did you think Yuuichiro Hikari works such long hours?

6) Yuuichiro's top score on the "met shooter" game is unbeatable. Do not waste your time trying to beat it.

7) If you do beat it expect all electrical equipment you own to suddenly break down at the same time.

8) Sci Lab computers are not to be used to store viruses.

9) Sci Lab computers are not to be used to send viruses, not even to get people to "lighten up".

10) Especially not to get people to "lighten up."

11) Sci Lab workers do not enjoy having their computer screens taken over by dancing animals.

12) Hiding Meijin's toy collection just to see his reaction is cruel and should not be seen as a form of entertainment.

13) Betting pools on how long it will be until Yuuichiro's high score is beaten, Who will be the first to murder Netto - Laika or Enzan etc are prohibited.

14) Although Meijin will be more than happy to hear your bids.

15) If your Sci Lab computer gives you the Blue Screen of Death move as far away from it as possible and claim you never touched it.

16) It your Sci Lab computer suddenly crashes/freezes etc follow rule12.

17) Although Yuuichiro claims that Sci Labs does not have a self-destruct feature do not press any big red glowing buttons.

18) "I just wanted to see what it would do" or "It was telling me to press it!" is not an adequate defence in court.

19) As a last resort, remember that everything that goes wrong in Sci Labs is Netto Hikari's fault.

20) Enzan Ijuin is offering a large reward for the locating and destruction of "blackmail item 48#" though he refuses to say what this actually is.

21) If you want to get hold of this blackmail item or any other blackmail visit Netto.

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Poor Yuuichiro...I completely tarnish his reputation here...insert evil laugh recording here 


	3. If Your Name is Netto Hikari

Things to remember if your name is Netto Hikari

1) Sending a virus around Sci Labs is not a good idea even if it is to "lighten everyone up".

2) Sadly not everyone has the same love of dancing animals as you do.

3) Likewise hacking into Sci Labs to make every monitor in the building display "Happy Birthday!" and play the birthday theme repeatedly on Enzan's birthday is also not a good idea.

4) Especially as you can't tell everyone that you hacked into some top security files beforehand to find out when Enzan's birthday actually is.

5) Stealing Laika's weird hat was only funny the first time (for you anyway).

6) Try it again and Laika is going to "accidentally" lose you the next time you come to Sharo.

7) Down a ravine.

8) The innocent face doesn't work. Everyone is just going to blame you anyway.

9) However the puppy dog eyes do have a degree of success.

10) When Rockman starts to talk about homework start talking very loudly about net battles.

11) When you can no longer put Rockman off, grovel like mad to get him to help you.

12) If that doesn't work remember that two can play at nagging. A couple of verses of "the song that never ends" and Rockman should crack.

13) Do not try this tactic on Enzan and/or Laika. They can throttle you.

14) Remember that washing machines love to eat bandannas as special treats. You must protect the preciousss…uh, ahem.

15) Next time Videoman attacks get Enzan to deal with him.

16) The Hikari baby album and blackmail item 48# (picture of Enzan's "Dye Disaster" a bright lime green layer of hair instead of his usual white one) must also be protected.

17) You shall continue to deny any knowledge of the "Dye Disaster" for all time.

18)The bottle with the label "neon green hair dye" must be destroyed immediately.

19) Watching "Starpotter Reloaded" more than five times will probably make your brain leak out of your ears.

20) Don't mention this to Enzan or Laika or the inevitable debate will start about whether you have a brain or not which you will lose.

21)You must beat the top high score on "met shooter". (What kind of a username is "ultimateprogdesigner"?)

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Sorry, I'm going away so I won't be able to update this for a while, but fear not! I've got some ideas and I've been given some brilliant suggestions which I'll try and work on to update this as soon as I get back. 


	4. Tips for Villainous Navis

I have to admit that this was inspired by the Overlord's List. I command you now to Google and read it. Tis genius and it had me giggling for ages :D

I'm not having a stab at anyone in 16 or 17. Just pointing out some character features that set my Mary Sue alert blaring.

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Guidelines for Villainous Navis Planning World Domination

1) Never hold Roll or any other female navi hostage. There will be a successful rescue attempt and instead of being put off, Rockman will get a boost of Righteous Fury.

2) Also never hold any friends, close relations of the good guys, dogs wandering around mines, cute fluffy kittens etc hostage for the reasons stated in 1.

3) If you do take Netto hostage, put him in the most secure place possible and, though you can threaten him as much as you like, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES will you injure him. If this occurs, you will be obliterated by Rockman's overprotective wrath without question.

4) As fun as it is to brainwash one of the good guys with the dark aura, sit back, let them do all the hard work and watch the angsting commence, it is a well known fact that the dark aura cannot stand up to the force that is The Power of Friendship.

5) If you are whooping the ass of one of the good guys and another one of them begins to talk about The Power of Friendship and adds on The Power of Love for good measure, as well as being thankful that you cannot vomit, you shall prepare for whoever you are beating to gain a sudden power boost.

6) If you have Rockman or another one of the good guys at my mercy you will finish them off straight away, you shall not pause to a) gloat, b) break into a monologue, c) rant about why you want to take over the world or d) fall into a flashback. None of the good guys particularly care about your sad life story, and giving Rockman breathing space is just asking for a Miraculous Recovery usually brought about by the Powers mentioned in 4.

7) Even if it seems certain that you have deleted Rockman for good, check Sci Labs for back ups and remain prepared for Rockman to suddenly pop up again.

8) If the one of the good guys suddenly says that they only have three chips left, immediately assume that by some great coincidence they will put these chips in exactly the right order to create a program advance and take appropriate evasive or defence measures.9)

9) Only when you're sure that the good guy has no battle chips left and that they are not in Higure's chip shop or near someone who can provide them with a "super, one of a kind, modified" battle chip can you start to gloat.

10) If one of the good guy's says their PET has been upgraded, there is about to be a successful demonstration of said upgrade's power. Scarper.

11) If the battlefield is suddenly filled with a blinding white light this is a Very Bad thing for you, do not hang around to see what Rockman has done.

12) The same applies if Rockman is surrounded by a bright glow, sparkles or suddenly gains a new armour design.

13) Ditto if one of the good guys says that they are going "to lend Rockman my strength!"

14) If you cannot escape, do not gape at Rockman all the way through a long winded explanation of what has just occured, attack him while he is posing and try to finish him off as quickly as possible.

15) No matter how far off the charts my power stats are, you will recognise that sadly you are not invincible.

16) Not even if you have never seen before shape shifting, teleporting, cloning, physic, shadow bending, super-duper ninja skills, gold armour, big glowy wings, a familiar, tri-colured hair, googles, are part human/spirit/demon and have hitherto concealed family ties to the main characters.

17) As much as you admire him, never try to imitate Forte. He really hates wannabes.

18) If Rockman is holding you at sword point and gives you a chance to talk, remember your evil ideals won't mean much when you are deleted. No matter how embarrassing it is, grovel, blame everything on (insert random evil person's/ sounding name here) and claim that you want to become a reformed navi. Then stab Rockman when he naively believes you and lowers his defence, or secretly regroup and get back at him later.


	5. Why We Put Up The Warnings

Finally got this up! Sorry, Atsumi Yuki that this took so long, thank you, thank you for being so supportive. She thought up the Netto's second warning and the method of saving yourself from Rockman.

Thanks as well to all the other brilliant reviewers who've made such kind comments on this and assured me that I can actually write something other than melodramatic angst. I know a few other people had requests for this and I'll try and get them up at some point.

The first part of Laika's and Forte's? I'm blaming them on a sugar overdose :P

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We put the warnings up for a reason…

Netto

What not to say: "Check out this great smile-y face I drew on your bandanna! I did it in permanent marker."

Or "Yes, I maaay have added another chilli. Or three. But I thought you liked your curry hot?"

How to save yourself: Take Netto to Maha Ichiban.

Results: Limiting the amount of money you take is strongly advised. At least your wallet won't weigh you down when you come out.

Rockman

What not to say: "You've got a sticky plaster on your back. Down a bit. A little to the left…" Drag this out for as long as possible.

How to save yourself: "Rockman… didn't you say that Netto was doing his maths homework last night? Then it must have been his identical twin I saw at the arcade."

Results: Sit back and watch as Netto is verbally thrashed by one ticked off navi.

Dark Rockman

What not to say: "So… you're a badly coloured Rockman clone/wannabe, nearly everyone hates you and I'm pretty sure Rockman could kick your butt with one hand tied behind his back. How do you feel about that?"

How to save yourself: Assure Dark Rockman that actually you didn't mean any of that. Of course, he's stronger than Rockman and if he catches Netto alone in a dark alley, Netto will suddenly decide that he'd be happy to abandon everything and turn to the dark side.

Results: Well, you'll still be alive, and suddenly discover you're the new best friend of yaoi fangirls everywhere.

Laika

What not to say: "Green and red…Do you wear Christmas colours because Santa Claus lives in Sharro?"

Or "what's with the stupid beret thing?"

How to save yourself: Bring a large pack of dog treats or divert Laika's wrath by planting his hat on Netto.

Results: Next time Netto and Laika are in Sharro together, watch Laika try to hold Netto's head in a snowdrift.

Searchman

What not to say: "I think your hair colour can be likened to the colour of the vegetable known as a carrot."

How to save yourself: Send Searchman some cyber polish for his gun.

Results: Discover the perks of being friends with a sniper. Now you can have your vengeance on the idiot who threw a rubber at you in class last week.

Enzan

What not to say: "Is the skunk look intentional?"

How to save yourself: Tell him the location of the Hikari baby photo album.

Results: Get to coo and aww over the baby Nettos displayed on every Sci Lab monitor.

Blues

What not to say: Don't try pulling that innocent face. I know you put Blues and his choice of weaponry together with a few innuendos in season 1.

How to save yourself: Send Rockman with a cyber brush and moisturiser.

Results: Get a darkloid to take photos of Blues brushing out his locks and auction the photos off to fangirls.

Meiru

What not to say: "I saw Jasmin getting really cosy with Netto earlier…"

How to save yourself: Persuade (bribe/blackmail) Netto into going on a date with Meiru.

Results: Video the date and either aww or puke over the recording later.

Roll

What not to say: "I take it Barbie is still popular"

Or "Wouldn't Rockman and Medi make such a cute couple?"

How to save yourself: Follow the same method for saving yourself from Meiru, except using Rockman instead of Netto obviously.

Results: Sell the footage to Videoman, get rich, buy some popcorn and go down to your local cinema to watch the new romantic film that's mysteriously cropped up and is playing on repeat everywhere.

Yaito

What not to say: "Enzan really likes Anetta's food, doesn't he?"

Or "Do you polish your forehead or something?"

How to save yourself: Get several cartons of strawberry milkshake.

Results: Place bets on how any cartons Yaito can polish off in a certain time period.

Dr. Regal/Dr. Wily/Latest evil villain of the week

What not to say: "Your world domination plan has a few serious flaws, you can improve it by doing this…"

Or "You're not really that scary, I could do a better maniacal cackle than that."

How to save yourself: Start grovelling. Lots of overdone flattery and ego pampering is necessary here.

Results: Join the ranks of evil, eventually take over and start your own tyrannical reign.

Forte/Bass

What not to say: "OMFG!!1 FORTE-SAMA I WANT 2 HAF UR CYBER BABIES!11 LOL!!1"

Or for fellow Rockman fans who have to rely on the dubbed version - yep, no matter how powerful you are, having a name like "Bass" is just asking to be insulted, especially with helmet fins like that. Fish comparisons anyone?

How to save yourself: You can't.

Results: It was nice knowing you.

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Actually... there is a cult of yaoi fangirls that may be able to protect you from Forte's wrath... if you can find them in time. But you'll have to ask MarshmellowDragon for details on their whereabouts xD


	6. Not Mentioned In The Advert

I'm pretty sure that someone asked for the guidelines for Higure's shop, but I can't remember who that was now, sorry! this is only a couple... a few... months late...

To be honest, when I saw this I thought it would be impossible to do, that I'd only get two points tops, and I didn't even like Higure that much. But when I started doing it, I actually got a load of ideas, and I now think that maybe Higure deserves a little more love.

What the Advert for Higure's Battle Chip Shop Doesn't Tell You

1) Never complain about the price of Higure's battle chips, unless you really want to be ranted at for a few hours.

2) The same applies to Higure's chip rating system.

3) There is a number for complaints. The voice recording informs you that any message you leave will not be listened to, instead Numberman will happily calculate how many pieces of confetti he can make out the sound file.

4) Battle chip prices are absolutely nonnegotiable.

5) Unless you have a very convincing plan for how you may be able to arrange a date between Higure and Mariko, in which case Higure might be willing to knock a bit off the price.

6) Or you actually have Mariko with you, in which case Higure will have no clue what he's selling you, and agree with what ever you give him.

7) It is now forbidden for Yaito or anybody else to drive any type of mining equipment or transport into Higure's chip shop, even in an Imminent Destruction Of The World scenario.

8) Especially to drive it under anything Higure might be sitting on. For obvious health and safety reasons.

9) It is perfectly normal for Higure to hum or even sing whilst polishing the battle chips.

10) Higure is cleanliness freak. Be wary of getting figure prints on the battle chips. Or even, heaven forbid, actual dirt.

11) It is also perfectly normal for Higure give the battle chips pet names and talk to them. Try not to let it scare you too much.

12) If when you have bought a battle chip and are trying to take it away, Higure grabs hold of it and clings on, remind him very slowly that you have paid for it.

13) If that doesn't work, yell for Numberman.

14) Never question or argue with Higure about battle chips. Higure will always be proven right.

15) What Higure doesn't know about battle chips could written inside Netto's little finger nail.


End file.
